You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
