so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
