i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
