She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
