I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize