What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
