are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
