I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
