He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
