I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
