I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Fuck appropriateness.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
