dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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