Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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