I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
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I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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