her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
