im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
