Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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