This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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