i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
