I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
