Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he thought i was a dude.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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