i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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