i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
