Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
