I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
