hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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