I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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