AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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