3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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