It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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