don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
