We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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