Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
