yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
