I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
