i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
