If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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