Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
