Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
