just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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