i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
