just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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