A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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