with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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