So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
