just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
