why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
from now on my penis is your penis
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just invented taco cereal.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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