i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
