i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
