help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
