Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
