Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
