apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
