Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how can u be prego again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
