I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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