Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
