Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
