my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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