drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
