plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
