I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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