Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
