you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.