a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation