I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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