Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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