You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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