it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
