first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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